The most weird wars in human history ( The Drunken War) #3 |

Published in Republic of Macedonia (FYROM) - Warfare analysis - 8 - 26 May 20 14:22

After the success of my first (Chair War) and second (The Pig War) article and amazing feedback from all of you, my fellow readers, Im back with another installment of my segment: The most weird wars in human historyThis is the stupidest and fumiest war/battle ever!

The Drunken War

What if a bunch of soldiers got really drunk, right in the middle of the war? And started shooting at each other, just for fun? Lets just say things get out of hand really fast.

How Did It Start?

 In 1788, Austria was at war with Turkey. The Austrian army was marching down to clash with an advancing Turkish army in what is now Romania. Shenanigans ensued.

What happened was the Austrians set up camp for the night, and some scouts on horseback went out to check the immediate countryside for any armed Turks. They came across a band of gypsies with a shitload of schnapps for sale, which they eagerly bought and began drinking with a gusto rarely seen outside of a frat party.

A load of Austrian infantry were also out and about, and came across the group of scouts. They wanted to join the drinking. The boozy scouts refused and set up makeshift fortification in what probably seemed a really funny idea at the time. Things got heated, an argument broke out and someone got too excited and fired a shot.

What Happened Next?

 All Hell broke loose, infantry and scouts firing wildly at each other. The infantry, in a state of confusion, began shouting that the Turks were attacking them. The scouts, even though it was they who were attacking their infantry, suddenly believed that there actually was a huge, swarthy, mustachioed Turkish army just behind them.

Filling their snazzy cavalry pants with rapidly escaping dinners, the scouts broke ranks and piled through the ranks of infantry. The infantry took this as a sign that the Turks were definitely there. They began a panicky withdrawal, all animosity forgotten in the face of the imaginary Turkish army.

Just when the whole affair couldnt get any stupider, it did. The Austrian army was made up of soldiers from several countries and they spoke different languages. So when the German-speaking officers started shouting Halt! Halt! in their own language, the non-German-speakers mistook it for cries of, Allah! Allah!

The whole frantic group of soldiers finally arrived back at the main camp. An officer there, in a moment of slapstick brilliance, reasoned that the charging, shouting men must be a Turkish attack, and ordered an artillery strike.The entire camp then awoke to the sound of an enormous battle and they all did what every disciplined soldier would do at a time like this: ran away in different directions, firing wildly.

The situation escalated until the army was called into a general retreat from the imaginary enemy. Finally, not wanting to miss out on the fun, the leader of the whole operation, Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II, got knocked off his horse and landed in a stream.

Who Won?

The only real winner here was magnificent stupidity. For a more tangible result, well say that the points went to the Turks, who arrived at the scene two days later to find almost 10,000 dead and wounded Austrians and, after they had all had a good laugh, promptly captured the town and surrounding countryside.

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Comments (8)

27 May 20 01:00

Gama, can you get drunk?

27 May 20 01:04

hard to believe this really happened xD nice reading btw, thanks for the article.

27 May 20 01:58
Umazana Palica

Nice story

27 May 20 02:13


28 May 20 00:25


28 May 20 05:58

Hail United Macedonia o/

28 May 20 11:53

Me espero al DVD

28 May 20 12:52